I’m Underqualified

I’m obstinant and persistent. I’m not an English major. I’m not holding an English degree. I’m a worker at a factory. I’m a failed artist, film-maker, radio personality, podcaster, vocalist, athlete. I’m a lot of things. I’m not an expert. I’m not even a good person. I’m underqualified to offer advice on most subjects.

I’m obstinant and persistent. Quitting is never my strong suit. I push and push and push. I suppose it would be a good trait to have if I could ever find a way to make things work. I hold on too long and miss too much because of it. Walking away from a struggle is hard for me. Once I pour my soul into anything, anything, turning away from it is too difficult. Even when it’s for the best, I stick to it. Even when I know I’m drubbing the carcass of a rotting dream, I keep the rhythm.

I’m not an English major and I’m not holding an English degree. It’s true. I’ve had several college english course but in no manner is that my forte. I’m exceptionally well read but I’m not schooled in writing to the level of mastery. While I’ve read literally thousands of books in every genre, I don’t have a B.A. in English.

I’m a failed artist, film-maker, radio personality, podcaster, vocalist, athlete. I actually hold a useless art degree. I floundered for 16 years in a dying field eeking out a meager living whoring my artistic eye to the crassest blaggarts’ profit. I tried my hand at making films. While invigorating I had to be honest with myself, I’m no Lloyd Kaufman. I sunk hundreds, if not thousands of dollars and tens of thousands of hours into my podcast/radio show. While it was a good run, it never connected with an audience in any meaningful manner. It died when it ran into an anal retentive short-sighted troglodytic hemorrhoid of a human being at a sister station in Delaware, Ohio. I lent my voice to many failed false starts at bands through my life. From Paroxysm to Fool to Zombies Rise And Eat, again never finding an audience or fizzling out due to lack of focus. And my athletic career ended in high school in lieu of balsa wood bones.

I’m a lot of things. I’ve lived a lot of different lives. Experienced a lot of things. I’ve failed a lot. A lot. I’ll fail again. Probably a lot. But I won’t quit. I won’t stop. I’m not an expert. Except when it comes to failing. Except when it comes to holding on too long. On that, I’m an expert. I’m not afraid to fail. I’m afraid to not try. I’m afraid to quit on something that may just need another day. I’ve seen it happen to people I care about, quitting too soon. Like playing in a band for years and quitting right before you get a contract offer.

I’m underqualified to offer advice on most things. But take my advice on one thing, don’t quit. Don’t ever quit. If it means anything to you, fight. Fight for it, claw for it. Don’t stop pushing. If it doesn’t work out you won’t regret it. I regret a single solitary event from my life. One. Just one. It was a fight I should have fought. Don’t quit. Fight. Believe. Persist. Failing is not defeat unless you stay down. Stand. Fight. Believe. No matter what, don’t quit.




Published Author at Anatolian Press. Debut Novel "Life Is In The Blood" out February 6, 2023.

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