Shifting Gears, Finding Rhythm

WP_20130702_014I’ve been less than disciplined in my upkeep here at the blog. I will offer no apologies as there is nothing to apologize for. I will make no promises as promises are lies until completed. I will continue to blog as life allows. I’m working on my third novel, I have completed the second novel’s first draft and have gotten my feedback from beta readers (By the way, anyone interested in beta reading middle-grade paranormal fiction, hit me up). My first two novels are a series, which I am still much invested in finding a proper home for, this next one is a complete 180. It’s YA and it’s very much based in the real world. It’s tone and voice demand to be different. It also demands a seriousness that I seldom require of myself or my work.

Life is demanding, complete with responsibilities, failures and time-consuming things that are unavoidable. I have little control over any of these things but struggle to keep pushing that boulder up a hill where the sword dangles above ever threatening its deadly plunge. I’ve moved work shifts, battled injuries and other crap recently and the reshuffling continues ad infinitum. It’s been hard to establish the rhythm and hard to develop that disciplined schedule writing demands.

I’ve ached for lack of expression. It’s been hard to be struck with inspiration and have no means of outlet. Art has always been the pressure valve that I funnel my emotional pressure out of. I’m not good at venting emotions. If I’m happy at the moment, it shows. If I’m mad in the moment, it shows. However, if I’m depressed, feeling suicidal, stressed, seething, worried, normal, content or anything else, you would never know. I wear the same mask, I always keep to myself. If you engage me, I interact with a smile and congenial banter. You will never get past it and I will never show the truth beneath that surface. I don’t trust you enough to display more.

So this is the vent through which I release. Sometimes in a parable, sometimes in a story and sometimes just straight out tell you through pictures or word. I used to change this, try to live more on the surface but I fail at it. I can’t do it. So now, I don’t bother.

This new work I’ve begun is serious and I feel it could be useful to anyone that may engage it. Maybe not. I know finding a home for it will be a challenge as it addresses a topic that it too often politicized and dehumanized. But it is pushing me to find that rhythm and discipline. So expect more blogs. More beta requests and more of me.

 

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